Adios China: Waffles & Steel is really on the road now

I just left China, maybe for good. I’ll be taking a year off to do a fellowship at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. When I finish, the company says a job will be waiting for me, but I don’t know where. I’m not too worried about it. Every so often in life, you must cast yourself out to sea. It’s definitely time for me to go.

For the past 22 years, I’ve been thinking about China every morning when I wake up. I’m leaving much more than a country. I’m leaving an obsession, a way of life, something that has framed my existence and has shaped my identity for a long, long time.  It’s been like a marriage, with tons of time, effort and emotion invested in the relationship. What I’m doing now feels like a break-up. I’m not sure if it will be a divorce or just a separation. But I do know that we both need to get away from each other.

The seeds of my fixation with China were planted in the 70s. I still remember drawing pictures of Nixon on the Great Wall for a current events assignment in second grade. Years were spent learning to read, write and speak the language. I’ll never forget how my adviser in graduate school in the early 90s tried to discourage me from focusing on China. The country might continue to open up, he said, but it would always just be a big, sleepy Communist nation that would never really amount to much. I ignored him and it was one of the best things I’ve done in my life.

Before I sat down to write this, I promised myself that I wouldn’t spend too much time sharing my parting reflections about the country. Many of my readers probably aren’t that interested. Most importantly, I’m reluctant to say too much until I’ve had some time to step back and reflect more about the big picture. Living in China can be emotionally and mentally draining. I need some time to sort out my thoughts.

But I will say that I left with serious concerns about China’s future. So much can go wrong, with the environment, economy and the seemingly stable but obviously brittle political system. Like many others, I once thought that China’s economic reforms would eventually lead to democracy and a freer society. This helped fuel my optimism and love for the country. But I no longer believe that now, and I doubt that the nation will become substantially more democratic and free in the next few decades.  This won’t be too big of a problem for many of the Chinese I met in the streets. They gave me the impression that they just want normal, stable lives. They just want to be a bit more better off each year. I can understand this, but it doesn’t work for me.

What will happen to Waffles & Steel? I’m not sure yet. When I started the site, I knew that I would only be in China for a year or two more, so I wanted a blog title that would travel well and work in other countries. I imagine I will find plenty of things to write about as I cope with the culture shock I’ll feel after re-entering the Western world after being away for so long.

I’ll be hanging out in Seoul for a few days before heading to New York for the obligatory visit to the home office. The next stop will be Kansas City before the family and I resettle in Ann Arbor in late July or August – hopefully before the winter temps set in!

Posted: June 19th, 2010 | Author: wafflesandsteel | Filed under: China cycling | 5 Comments »

---